Paddy Murphy was driving down the street in a sweat because he had an important meeting and he couldn't find a parking space. Looking up to heaven, he said:

"Lord, have pity on me! If you find me a parking space, I promise I will go to Mass every Sunday for the rest of my life, and I'll even give up my Irish whiskey!"

Miraculously, as he drove around the corner, a parking space appeared.

Paddy look up again and said:

"Never mind, I found one."

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Sean O'Rourke was in New York, patiently waiting and watching the traffic cop on a busy street crossing. The cop stopped the flow of traffic and shouted:

"Okay, Pedestrians."

The cop would allow the people to cross the street, and then he'd again allow the traffic to pass. Sean, however, still stood waiting on the sidewalk. After the cop had shouted "Pedestrians" for the 10th time, Sean went over to him and asked:

"Is it not about time you let the Catholics across?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

Tim Finnegan opened the morning newspaper and was dumbfounded to read his own obituary. He quickly phoned his best friend Tom Sweeney.

"Did you see the paper today?" asked Tim. "They say I died!"

"Yes, I saw it", Tom replied. "Where are you calling from?"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *

An Irish priest is driving to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says:

"Sir, have you been drinking?"

"Just water", says the priest.

"Then why do I smell wine?" says the trooper.

The priest looks at the bottle and says:

"Good Lord, He's done it again!"

* * * * * * * * * * * * * *